Better late than never

Right, I should probably make a start on apologising for the long interlude between posts, I feel I have a pretty good excuse, if you can call it that.
I was going to leave blogging for good, but then I felt like when I actually do get around to blogging I feel a lot better for it, having all your thoughts out in front of you in a logical or illogical order makes things a little easier. SO whist reading my friends blog, I decided that it was about time to open up, this might end up being one of the illogical posts to bear with me please.
This week after trying numerous different things over the last couple of years I ended up being prescribed sertaline which is an antidepressant and diazepam to get my body used to the sertaline and calm me down a little over the next week or so, I know there are so many people in the world who are depressed/on antidepressants or know someone who is, and that this isn't really a big deal, but to me this is.
I now feel like I'm going somewhere and I'm not stuck. a feeling that's been building up for a number of years, I'm achieved quite a few things in my life, I travelled Europe, I got into University, I have amazing friends and family, but I've always felt like there was something holding me back, mostly insecurities, it be about my hip problem, looks, personality, abilities, whatever, there was always something. some more so than others,
But it wasn't until I came to Uni that it made me realise this irrational behaviour affects other people, I can go from being the happiest person in the world, and the life and soul of our flat, to stuck in my room not wanting to see anyone or do anything, there are quite a few days where i can't get out of bed, or concentrate i'll snap at people or just be really tearful, obviously you can see how this effects my Uni work and flatmates, but my tutor was really good about it and pointed me in the direction of the campus councillor, who was nice, but if i'm honest a little useless. so that stopped.
I think the worst part is not feeling you can tell your closest friends, I recently chatted to my best friend from home on the phone and despite being on the phone for an hour... nothing.
Even when one of my friends back home felt similar things and we were worried for her, should I have piped up then? Should I have told her I was feeling the same? I don't know. It's been so long now I think i'd got so used to people expecting a certain persona of me, and not bothering to let them know what was really bothering me.
I realise this has gone on for agessss, so i'm really sorry. I'll blog again soon, when i've made sense of things. but for now..
Ciao
xxx

Slut pants, Britney, VAJAJA,slags, crunchy crisp eating

Vday! That's not short for vaj day.
God could you imagine?
Well it kinda is, I was meaning to make this post a few weeks ago, as you can imagine, but have you noticed on valentines day, men are encouraged to buy chocolates and flowers. women... underwear. like "HAPPY VDAY! want some vajaja?"
so recap. men want sex, and women are money grabbing fatties.
right enough of this filth.
God this is what a 6 hour megabus journey and 3 hours sleep has done to me!
I had to be up at half 4am! who needs to be up at that time? i didn't know that time even existed!
But apparently it does, and my logic was at half 5 sitting on a half empty bus, was "if i've got to be up at this ridiculous time, you guys will have to put with my excessive coughing and crunchy crisp eating" misery loves company after all.
So well, i should probably recap the last few weeks, had valentines day, was nice, relaxed.it happened to be our housemates birthday that day, so we all went out for a group meal, (takes the pressure off the not quite married/ 2 kids at 20 people of the world)
Got surprised with some flowers and chocolates (see SEE what i mean! and no i did not buy underwear! my gift was not vajaja for vday!... he got gig tickets, i'm a normal person.)
GOD IT IS SO HOT ON THIS BUS.
anyway.
Then there was the birthday, so in the last few posts have been leading up to the Britney party. well my outfit came. it was hideous. so on the day of the party had to find another outfit, but after the panic it all went well, here's a pic, (Britney and Dolly Parton)

I got far too drunk, luckily had a few friends to make sure i didn't end up.. I dunno in a gutter or something. TALKING OF SLAGS. has anyone seen eastenders? wtf? i want to slap the writers. making an abused child become a prostitute. well done. not cool guys.... okay, back to slightly less uncool things.
i've just realised i've got an essay to do, and i'm sitting here writing about the Britney party, and eastenders.
oh dear.
But yeah, so had Laura down on the weekend, that was nice, :) I think it ended up being a slight glipse of what our holiday will be like in the summer. but probably more extreme. it's a hideous thought really.
I think i might head off now, i need to get into this again, and i'll have a better one soon, been to Corn-bizzle and attempting to sort my life out at the moment, so bear with me.
much love
Ciao
xxx

CIAO DOWN TO COW TOWN.

'Ite pard?
How are you all?
Good i hope
right so introductions over.
I feel i've left it too long again for a blog, i started off so well, now look at me, i'm like one of those gypsy women who have kids/animals/vegetables/anything
and forget about them within a week.
I'm currently on a train back from Corn-bizzle after a stop shop visit to get doctors and other cool stuff done,
But did enjoy seeing my friend whilst back and had a good ol' giggle, only two weeks till i see her again for the Britney party, (yes it's still happening)
but didn't get a chance to see my other friend as she's not feeling too well atm. which is a shame, as i miss her! (i'm being sneaky, as i know she'll read this, ;)) (second bracket says; I love you shanny fanny ;)) god. i'm like a creepy internet stalker.
right so a few things i've realised since being back is that
1) the further down the country you go, the more the buses smell of pee,
2)I miss homes under the hammer, and Escape to the country. I realise how lame that sounds but I genuinely enjoy the first (didn't the presenter die though? i don't know, someone help me out here), and the latter  for Alistair Appleton I think he's gay though, which is a shame, because i'd blates be in there otherwise, with my charm and good looks. PAH
let's not go there.(if anyone's reading this, if you want to get me a wicked b'day prezzie, a boxset of either will go down well)
3) it takes 4 hours exactly to get home, and apparently it takes 5 hours going back. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? are the trains tired? do they need a lucazade?
maybe because it's uphill. from Cornwall to Bath, that works... maybe that's it.
4) everyone i know is pregnant or engaged, why? i'm not even 20 yet, and am already being asked when i'm thinking about getting hitched! i don't like babies. or weddings. leave me alone. I'm happy being Bridget Jones thank you very much.
This is going to be a short one, i'm easing myself in, like anal sex.
Not that i'd know, but my friend would, she text me saying so.
cool kid.

Ciao
XX

ZUMBA, HITLER LADIES, NEW BF, AND THE DEATH OF MY OWN BODY.

Hello my faithful, and very patient followers!
sorry it's been a little while since my last blog, i've been a bit distracted.
oh. and I've met someone....
:)
ugh. that's lame.
at least it's not :D:D:D:D:D:D LUFFIN MA BBZ BOI 4 LYF.
I think i'd kill myself if that was the case. Saying that, if i spoke like that, life would be wasted on me anyway.
okay, so a few things have changed since my last blog, after a long and actually quite deep conversation with my mother, (Which is rare in itself) it's come to our attention, that i actually dislike the concept of uni, and the fiancial circumstances aren't worth the money i'm spending on it, and so i'm following my dream and am in the middle of applying for jobs on cruise ships and ferries. i travelled last summer, and i like being away, i like the living out of a suitcase life. i like being on my own. doing my own thing
Mum has of course been adding her hippy view on it, and has been encouraging me to do it. which is good. :) but i'm still considering other things like air hostesses, after checking the requirements, you no longer need to be a giraffe lady. which is good news for me. and am seriously considering it. it's difficult to get into, but i think i'd love it, i'd definitely prefer it to anything else.or an au pair, my language skills are okay,
but it's annoying finally feeling slightly settled here friend wise, and then i decide to leave.
Never minddd :)
I've been wanting to write here for ages, it's been what? two weeks? that's terrible.
But i just haven't felt up to writing here. nothing i'm really doing is worth talking about. I swear lately my body and mind have been dying on me slowly, and i've spent most of the last two weeks in bed in agony, which of course doesn't put you in the best of moods which results is an endless circle. i tried to get my body to work and go to a zumba class. YES ZUMBA. what is this you ask? well mes petits amis.. it is a latino esque dance, with a little belly dancing, african dancing, and a lot of shaking what your mumma gave  ya ;)... to ricky martin.
we made complete fools out of ourselves, and was nice to spend girly time laughing, which i swear i don't do a lot of here. then we went to aqua aerobics the next day with the hilter reincarnation in a old ladys body, and on thursday i was definitely feeling the "burn" aka "the death of laura-janes body."
I should probably at least give the new man a mention...he's a musican, i can't resist, he sounds like john mayer. but better. let's just say.
start of relationship = good food, good music, good sex.
sorted.
lets move on.
or stop.
OH MY GOD. time travellers wife.
I've been reading it religiously whilst in bed, and i love it.
i love it more than i've loved anything.
So i'm going back to that now.
slaters.
or Ciao.
xxxxx

Love and other drugs.

I've just got back from the film, which i'm having mixed feelings about.
If you don't know the sum up is a love story between a guy selling pharmaceuticals and a girl with parkinsons.
now i know i don't have parkinsons,
and guys like Jake G's character don't exist.
But it made me think.
in 10 years, I'll be in a wheelchair, maybe with a fake hip. twisted spine, and arthritis. I'm not self pitying. and i don't want to you to pity me either. i hate pity. but i couldn't help watching it, and whilst Anne Hathaway is arguing the point of who could ever love some who can't look after herself, and why wouldn't he want someone more limber, sexy and overall more healthy, i couldn't help but feel a lump in my throat. soppy love stories come and go, and i never watch a film and feel oh yeah that could happen to me.
but this one i did. I'm never going to find a character like that. and i'm so stubborn i probably wouldn't want to. but i watched that one scene and remembered being in the exact same position and saying identical words to my ex a year ago after my last op. when you can't get yourself dressed? make food for yourself? being able to walk back from the shops without being in pain. the latter i still do now. But he did it, but it was because he felt like he had to. that wasn't the case in the film. and i don't think that ever is.
I'm sorry guys. this is depressing. and i'll probably delete it after a few days, but i need to man up. but before that i need to get it out. so here it is.
ciao.

Britney Party, Holidays, Volunteering, Jobs, Heck a little bit of everything!

Today i'm feeling in a pretty amazing and productive mood! :) I haven't been distracted by the wrong people, and have been chatting to the right people :) Right, so in my last blog i mentioned my 20th, and as it's pretty friggin amazing i'm going to tell you all about it!
Britney Spears.
Yes. a Britney themed party.
It's been much talked about in the flat, and with home friends who will hopefully be doing the trek from corn-bizzle to the Tub for it. :)
costumes are a big part obvs.
We all love a good excuse for dressing up!
As the (joint...best) birthday girl. I need a pretty awesome outfit! (...Need to look better than everyone else!)
but, unfortunately this means baring a LOT of flesh. or some pretty skintight outfit, and i don't think anyone wants to see me pre-gymed and dieted in a skintight outfit! haha
The guys are being pretty creative, we'll most likely have a bald Britney, Chris Crocker, JT and a K Fed. my best guy mate is going as a air hostess. he's never been too scared to making a fool out of himself luckily! also got a friend coming down from Bournemouth/Poole area for it, so we need to make it amazing! luckily our flat has a lot of parties anyway, so we should have some disco lights, speakers etc for the house party, and probably some all american snacks... mini hamburgers?! yes! thank god for iceland! ahaha
Then probably the visiting the nightlife of Bath. I actually can't wait!
Holidays! we've all put down the money for the holiday now, leaving early June, for a week in Magaluf, (i can't remember if i've mentioned that all yet?! anywayyy)
Yaaaah, so that's all done! and now need to think about what i want to do with the rest of my summer.
I was thinking about just going back down to Cornwall and getting a job, then i could see my friends for a good few months.But i think i might just do a month or two away volunteer, (yes i CAN be a good person!.. if i want to be) VSO have some amazing options, or realgap, but they tend to be pretty expensive, i could kill two birds with one stone.. (how could you do that btw? is that like killing one, the picking up the stone and hitting another one? because that wouldn't work, well i mean it would, but it's not what the metaphor implies is it?) and just work abroad,
But my languages are pretty lacking! i mean, i can speak other laguages, but under pressure i forget simple things, luckily on my Europe trip last year, my ex could at least get us around! and we picked up quite a lot along the way. i've got my journal from my trip around here somewhere, i may find it and  write a few captions, we did have a fantastic time, and some pretty crazy things happened! thunderstorms, the illegal weed drinks and the drug dogs on the trains going through the border. the poker games with polish people, and the French sluts.the peados soaking children and laughing in the amusement parks, langos, proper kebabs, the hairy Chinese girl! stalker Julian!
...Oh god, i've found my diary! ahaha reading through it, and having a proper giggle, might need a recite a few lines to Jake and see if her remembers. HAHA the fat Italian stallion jumping around in his boxers and socks at stupid o'clock. i think i should stop, you people have no idea what i'm talking about! and you probably don't care. Think i might, now leave you now, i was going to do some lovely paint-o-shops, but i'm too engrossed in my Europe trip diary!
Ciao
xxx

12th jan

So, the past few days, I've written a few posts, and then eventually deleted them.
I had a pretty agro one. aimed at one person, then realised that doing this was not only petty, but just stupid. it ended in an argument. and i really don't like arguments. i always back down, and never actually say what i feel, and if i do, i'm normally work myself up so much i'm in tears and it doesn't really get your point across very well.
Then when all was sorted and hunky dory.(did i really just say that?) I posted a nice loving one. (ugh) I don't normally like those secretive statuses etc but i felt the need to, i dont know why.
Then after a bit of snooping, i've decided to delete that one too.
It's not that i don't feel it anymore. hell i really do. i really like the guy. (that's part of the problem)  and it's not that i feel stupid for putting up such a sickly post, i have no shame, so stuff like that doesn't bother me.it's just i don't know where i stand. i think there is an ex.. or maybe a current...girlfriend? i dont know. facebook snooping has been limited by private accounts, and secretive guys. i know i shouldn't but  you can't get anything from this guy. maybe this is all for the best, it'll make it easier when he leaves. (he is leaving, i'm not just being pessimistic) my resolution was to stay away from boys. so that's probably what i should do. and anyway, i'm being distracted so i can't complain!... tic tac toe at 2 in the morning will suffice haha. :)
that's enough ramble for today about that.
Had my first day back at Uni today, missed by first lesson, and then got to eat sweets in my second.
not too shabby.
I want to do a funny post soon, but for the minute i'm feeling really bleugh. and it's showing, sorry bloggerss.
when i have energy, and happy things, i will write about them. i'll go into depth about my Britney Spears party we're planning and  things like that.
but for now, it's nearly 2am and time travellers wife is calling me.

Ciao
xxx

Redruth V Bath

It would seem to most, that there actually isn't any comparison, and a clear winner, Bath seems to have it all, well a lot more than Redruth, (except a tesco near me) But as i've been putting all my pictures up in my Bedroom at Uni, I realised that all my best memories have been in Redruth, (or the slightly nicer surrounding areas) from dressing up as the spice girls and parading around in the back garden, (see if you can find that one on the wall ;)) to having a fake new years eve party in the kitchen, (on there too) just hanging out down at portreath beach, or nattering with gran in her kitchen over a cuppa, (I miss that most when I'm away, my gran is a true legend and it breaks my heart everytime i have to leave) wow. that was really gay. Actually, over the last few weeks of being at home, I must have drank a gallon of tea with my friends and family,

(Some more photos I grabbed from home)

 Seeing my friends has actually put me in such a good mood, although I end up wondering, (After a chat with a certain person about him dropping out and going back home, which actually makes me quite sad.. not that i care or anything.....) Why am I here? Why Bath? Surely I could have just done my degree at Truro, and stayed with my friends who make me happy? (and saved a bit more money) It's not that I don't enjoy it here, it's just since being here I can't say I've met anyone like my best friends back at home. (btw, this isn't my first year away from home, so it's not that i'm not enjoying uni/homesickness thing, i'm used to being away, i just don't see the point) I'm not normally the sort of person who can make best friends easily, especially with girls. I find most of them irritating, bitchy or just plain complicated. Most of my friends are boys. This isn't because I'm a slapper. Just because to be around they're more simple.

But, my three best friends are girls? You couldn't change them for anything. and i wouldn't. 

Although they're not your typical girls at all. They're actually amazing. We always end up laughing at ourselves more than other people, all of us are pretty in dependent (we see each other because we want to, and not because we feel the need to, and it's not a big deal if we don't feel like it, or are away from each other for ages) and outspoken, not that we're gobby but if there's a problem, we say straight away. I don't understand why people, girls in particular, will talk amongst themselves and then turn everything into a big deal. just say it. i really can't deal with the drama. (bit of a rant there, sorry folks!) 

I have a few friends here at Uni, but i can't say i really missed any of them whilst at home, terrible as that may seem or sound, probably only a select few, one of whom is considering leaving. 

but spending time with my Cornwall friends has made me realise life is too short to try and please people who you really, to be frank, don't care about. The truth of the matter is, from now on, i'm going to get my work done, save my money, and just book more weekends home to see my friends, although it's not long now until the Britney Spears, 20th party.:) I know i'm so old/lame, but at the end of the day it really is just another excuse for me and my friends to dress up.

Ciao 

xx

The trauma that was the 7th of January 2011 (and it hasn't even finished yet)

Right, so lets set the mood here shall we?
(I'm going to warn you, this is going to be a bit of a rant, but i'm strongly holding on to the last bit of humour i have, so i may use it up here)


It was 1am, the early morning of the 7th of Jan, I knew it was going to be a bad day ahead as i normally shoot off, (not wanking, but falling asleep, you dirty dirty people) but i was tossing (oo err) and turning in bed, and then the thunder and lightning.. ohhh the thunderr. so yeah i couldn't sleep, bear in mind that i have to be up at about half 6ish to get my train, luckily mums set an alarm and she'll wake me up.
Right so i get woken up, at 8am.
My train is at 8.12am
and the station is 20mins away. 
So i'm practically fucked. I booked an advance fucking ticket to go and miss my train.
Apparently we had had a power cut and mums alarm turned off, (i'm still adamant that she probably slept though) 
8.05am- the amount of cursing in our house would make a sailor blush.
8.10am find a train for 8.52am
Then the frantic packing and getting ready, as i was packing i thought, "oh maybe i should get my keycard and put it in my wallet so i dont have to stumble for it when i get back"


It's gone.


The cursing starts up again.


at this point i'm considering giving up on it all and just going back to bed. maybe this is a sign.
i don't know what for.
but i'm pretty sure it's a sign.


But none the less i'm being dragged to the station, finally get my train, and burst into tears on the phone to my friend.
Amongst all this i dont think i'd actually had time to wake up, so i'm pretty much a state.
but i bought a ticket, £26 it cost with a railcard. and they didn't even ask for it.
the fuckers.
I've always had a hatred for firstgreatwestern.
but this takes the piss.
So i get to oldfield park, and then decide that i'm perfectly capable of walking the distance to my halls. (as it's only about a 10min walk, i'd feel an idiot ringing for a taxi, and because i don't have their number, i really have no choice in the matter) but forgetting i have a suitcase that weighs more than me, and a hamster and a hold-all.
least to say i worked up a bit of a sweat when i finally got there.


and of course i have no keycard to get in.
its not even 1pm yet!


Luckily the love of my life Rodders the security guard to make me feel better, 
nope within one minute of being there i'm being ripped, and getting called a pain in the ass. 
normally i'd have a bit of banter back, but at this point i just want a cup of tea.
looks like i have to pay £20 for a new keycard, joy of joys, but i'm in, home sweet home.


My bedroom lightbulb has busted.


and i've got no milk to make my tea
.
making tea, without milk, in the dark, was probably the lowest point of my day so far. but now i have the lovely task of going to do some food shopping in the rain.


LUVIN LYF 2011.
what a joke.


I hope you fuckers all had a lovely day
Ciao.

The past... Apparently it's just the future with the lights on.

Okay, Not that I love to be the best at everything all the time. (That's a blatant lie, I love being awesome)
But since introducing my friend to the world of blogging, he's already outdone me on comedy and general cool-ness value here.
But I have one thing he doesn't... Stories of my childhood.... No wait... Were are you going?. .
This isn't going to be what you expect, I wont do the whole "Ohh I miss being a kid, getting your knees dirty"
*chuckly chuckle*, If anything I was a unfortunate child, quite frankly ugly really. and couldn't wait to grow up.
At one point I remember my mother putting me in my bedroom closet. Not because I was ugly. Well maybe because I was ugly, but just because I was a pain in the ass. I think from an early age I had a chip on my shoulder... I didn't go around beating people up or anything, just being annoying was enough for my mother to reduce to childline calling standards.
But imagine. Being short, fat, fizzy haired, wonky toothed, (I think at one point I was actually missing both my front teeth) having a limp. and the worst... having BIG EYEBROWS. (I know, I can hear you weeping for me, already)
So, if you now imagine, something entertaining happening, or more embarrassing let's say... like.... spilling yoghurt down yourself before having to do a solo in front of about 300 people when you're 10, this might seem slightly funny, but when you looked like me. it didn't help matters.
Or when I fell over attempting to roller-skate. yep. not blade. but skate.... I fell flat on my face, and ended up with a massive scab going from my forehead to my chin. this was so amusing to my 6 year old best friend at the time. I wont name names... Shantel. That when the end of term came about, she drew me a portrait of me. (awww how adorable) The artistic value wasn't amazing I must say, but what took the biscuit was the bright red thick line she'd drawn down the middle of my face. The picture was pride of place on our fridge for a good few weeks, just so my mother could have a giggle to herself.
So There we go, another little snippet into the life and times of me
ciao
xx

Houses, prostitutes, boys, the usual.

My housemate is trying to get me to look at houses for our second year already, Which I know is a smart move, and the ones we've been looking at are lovely, but I think my i'm not going to have a choice but be better with money this year, as I'm going to be more than skint. after paying for my holiday, and deposit on a house probably in the space of a month. ahhhh, Maybe I should think about getting a job, I wonder how the prostitution market is doing in these financial times. ;)
bad joke.
actually terrible joke.
and would ruin my "stay away from boys" resolution. It would be the complete opposite really,
Right so on my last post, I mentioned new years resolutions, but I think I may actually be on the move to getting them smashed
I've booked my holiday to Magaluf with my three friends in july :).

I guess that's a start.

But I want go into my decision to stay away from boys for a year.

I don't know if this means i'll stay celebate, or single, or both for a year. or if i just don't let myself get romantically involved with anyone, 

That last one may be a little harder to keep off.

I do have a tendancy to rush in, and do the whirlwind thing, and then things crash. and burn. 

I fall for people who should be against my better judgement,

Is this a general girl thing? or just... a bad person thing? 

or maybe it's just me. Like for example; since i've been home,  i've spent a good portion of my time talking on facebook chat with a past.. sort of... fling. instead of spending time doing productive things.. he never changes. it's just him.

I like that though.

He's exciting.

and i kinda, look up to him in a way. he always stays strong. and tells it to you straight. when i talk to him, i feel empowered, but ever so more slightly under his spell, He's dealing with some big things right now, and i want to be there for him, but it's hard. like seeing your parents cry. you never know what to say or do. God see it's been less than a week, and look at me. 

this is why i'm staying away from boys.

i'll get my head straight and stop messing about. 

It's time to grow up now.

I don't normally like these prissy little disney girls, but this girl has a bit of paramore about her.

and i like the simplicity of this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYDDiqhhzbQ

ciao. 

xx

.

Happy new year!

Well happy new year everyone!

Last night was probably the first time in ages that I've spent a NYE not looking after a drunk friend. and it was lovely. Chilling in spoons dressed as cats and then watching the fireworks with my two friends was actually quite nice. I decided to call it a night after that, but apprently I didn't miss much when I left. 

So far I've spent the new year in bed. All day. watching telly and getting the new years gossip from people on facebook. Hearing everyone elses stories about doing stupid things are normally quite a nice pasttime. and I normally end up making a mental competition of who's was best. I think this year has to be my friend who got plastered, did ecstacy, and got it off with a random girl in a pub toilet. Entertaining mostly as I was not expecting it at all. Considering he went out dressed as a hotdog. How can you find someone attractive enough to sleep with them when they're dressed as a hotdog?

Maybe it's a case of how drunk are you?

Always seems the case. People do stupid things when they are drunk and use it as some excuse if people don't find their stories funny. like;

"I did (enter stupid action here) last night!"

"Dude that's not cool..."

"I couldn't help it... I was so wasted"

"Oh well never mind"

See what I mean?

Does alcohol bring out the truth in people? Do drunken moments reveal sober thoughts? or are we all actually just a mess. do we have any control?

is that the real us? when we're drunk? 

Anyway he's a picture of me and one of my friends Shantel from last night :) I might write something else later when i can be bothered, and actually have something to write about, or the effort to do so... 

ciao. xxx